Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy & Grief

Larry Birkhead is Dannielynn Smith's biological daddy. I suspected this all along. There was just something painfully true about his story. Not that this story is anywhere near over -- now come the custody battles. I feel sorry for this little girl. It's got to cause scars when you're an infant and every single person who loves you is fighting over you. I hope all the adults in this case all get over their bad selves and do the right thing by this little girl. Dannielynn needs love, love and more love -- and for the adults around her to Grow Up.

Don't get me wrong. I'm well aware that love doesn't conquer all; but it helps.

When I heard the DNA results, I thought of Anna Nicole Smith. I thought of how for the last few months of her life, she was hounded by the Press -- as we all watched. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose someone you love and have the press all over you about it. I understand that Anna Nicole died of an overdose of prescription drugs; but I know she died of Grief. (I've been to the Smoking Gun. I read Anna Nicole's autopsy report.) In the US, Grief is ignored, subjugated and denied. I wouldn't want to suffer through the grieving process in public. My own grieving process has been more than enough, thank you.

In the United States, most employers allow two days for bereavement time, if they offer it at all.

Since the Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918, those who mourn have been both denied grieving rituals and respect for their devastating emotional loss. I've stated over and over to folks in my grief support group that I wish that there were still allowances for Grief. I wish I could wear full mourning black for a year and be respected for that decision. I announced I wanted to bite each and every person who asked me if I'm "over it" yet. The only time I felt like I belonged was when I lit my mother's light on the Hospice Tree. Everybody agreed with me. Nobody knew what we could do to change the way things are. Couple Grief with Chronic Pain, and you have a debilitating combination. Which brings me back to Anna Nicole Smith...

Anna Nicole Smith was the most lovely train wreck.

I watched her break on Entertainment Tonight and Nancy Grace and Fox News. What I saw in her last interviews of her was a woman in Pain -- physical, mental and probably spiritual Pain. She'd just lost her son; and we just couldn't stop watching. Does that mean that we're all responsible? No. Does it mean that we have no respect for mourning in this country? Yes.

I'm lucky. I was able to be with my mother and help her in her last, precious hours of this life. I knew what was coming, and in the end, Mom's death was a crushing blow. And yet, I was and continue to be surrounded by family -- family who shares this same Grief. We are united by Loss. Through my mother's death, became a stronger family unit. I understand this experience is very, very rare. Poor Anna Nicole mourned alone in public.

Her daughter Dannielynn Hope is just a baby. But someday, she's going to read and watch all the press coverage of her mother's death. She's going to have to sort the wheat from the chaff. What will she think of all of us who demanded the "whole story" from the Press? How will she be able to sort the Myth from her Mom? I hope that the storytellers in Dannielynn's life are both honest and kind.

When you lose your world as an adult, at least you're the one writing the story...

©2007 SilenZ